Over the last few years I have been asked dozens of variations of the same few questions about boy-girl relationships. Most of the time the questions were from my peers (mostly junior high girls) but I have also heard the same from high-school and even college age girls. So, I have put together a collection of my answers for a few of the basic questions. Some of these may not be pertinent to where you are in your life but I hope this helps you in some way. Let me know your thoughts in the comment section!
Q: What is the purpose of boy-girl relationships?
A: In most cases (in the world), boy-girl relationships are centered on having fun. Then when it gets old they breakup because it’s not “fun” anymore. It’s really the ultimate training ground for divorce. However, biblicaly, we are supposed to focus on encouraging one another and building each other up in the Lord, always maintaining purity in all things. That should be the purpose in our relationships with guys.
Q: What is the standard of purity that I am to uphold as a Christian?
A: Remember that as a Christian, you are the bride of Christ. So, in the same way that you try to keep yourself from sin and live a life worthy of the calling you have been given, stay pure in your thoughts and actions for your future husband if God chooses to bless you with one. The relationship between Christ and the church is the prime example for a couple of saving themselves for each other. We need to continually let God purify our hearts and minds through His word so that we can be good wives to our future husbands.
Q: What does it mean to give your heart away?
A: Giving your heart away is trusting someone with your emotions. If you give your heart away to boy after boy over the entire expanse of your young-ladyhood, you will soon find yourself with a broken heart and emotions all over the place. However, if you give your heart to God, He will keep it safe because He has your best interest in mind and He cares about you more than anyone else ever could.
Q: Should I just stop thinking about boys altogether?
A: It’s natural for us girls to think about guys because God made us to eventually be a help-meet for our husband (Genesis 2:20-23)so don’t stop thinking about them, but stop thinking of them as marriage material and start thinking of them as brothers in Christ. If you have brothers, you know that as sisters, we feel the need to protect our brother’s reputation, purity, etc. We should treat the young men in our lives with the same kind of respect.
Q: How will I find ‘the one’ if I treat all the guys I know like brothers?
A: God knows what is best for you. If you are looking for “the one” you are really saying that you know better than God. He has a plan for you. He loves you. He will bring the right guy at the right time. No worries!
Q: What should I say when my girlfriends start talking about boys (who likes or doesn’t like who, etc.)?
A: This has happened so many times to me. I think the best thing is to let them know that they are really hurting their own hearts by thinking of boys like this. One of my favorite bible verses is 1st Thessalonians 4:11 which basically says “Lead a quiet life, mind your own business and work hard.” Following this command is one of the best ways I’ve found to keep from thinking about those things.
Q: Should girls have friends who are boys?
A: This really depends on the situation. It’s best to ask your parents or a wise older person about the guy and whether they think your friendship would be uplifting to the young man or if it might be a stumbling block to him. Remember, your parents have already been through all this, so, even if it doesn’t seem like it, they know what they’re talking about.
Q: What should I say when someone asks me why I don’t date?
A: Explain to them that you and your parents have made the decision to wait for God’s choice for you. Why should you date someone who might not be God’s choice and give a piece of your heart away when God has promised that He has good plans for you (Jeremiah 29:11)? The LORD is good unto them that wait (Lamentations 3:25 a).
Q: How do I explain to a boy that I don’t want his attention?
A: It’s best to remain calm in situations like this (I learned it the hard way). Usually if you just ignore him he will get the clue but if that doesn’t work, politely tell him (or have your dad or brother tell him) that you don’t want his attention and would like him to leave you alone. Depending on who he is, you might also want to explain to him your beliefs on the subject of relationships and saving your heart.
Q: What should I do while I’m waiting for God’s timing?
A: First of all, watch the film “The Return of the Daughters”. After that you should have a pretty good idea. In the bible we see that young ladies almost always helped their father in whatever the family business was. These days most of us don’t have that opportunity because our fathers work outside the home, but you can prepare yourself in other ways. Consider learning a skill that you will need as a mother. Remember that if/when you get married you will need to be very flexible to whatever your husband’s needs are so prepare your heart to be submissive. Read Proverbs 31.
Q: How can I stop having crushes on guys?
A: This is one of the most common questions and the answer isn’t real simple so I saved it for last. In order to stop having crushes you really need to realize that the guy you are tempted to give your heart to is most likely someone else’s husband and you should treat him as such. Another thing to think about is this, how do you want other girls thinking about your future husband? You don’t want other girls having crushes on your future husband right now so don’t have crushes on their’s. So many girls let their emotions carry them away and end up making really bad decisions.
I had a problem with crushes for a season of time and I felt like I just couldn’t help it. Then I heard a sermon by S.M. Davis called “Victory Over the Dating Spirit”* and I learned for the first time how this problem can be fixed. S.M. Davis basically said that you need to ask God to change your desires to become His desires. Repent of being lax in the past and ask God to help you stand strong and let your beliefs dictate your thoughts and actions. After I did this, I felt a huge burden lifted off my heart and I felt that I could start fresh again. Ever since, God has given me many good things to focus my energy and time on and helped me to be able to bless others in ways I never thought imaginable. I have still struggled a little but it’s much easier to handle now that I’ve given it over to my heavenly Father.
All I have to say after this is that God’s ways are much higher than our ways. His desires are much more important and meaningful than ours and His way of doing things is so much wiser and better than anything the wisest of us could have come up with.
I pray that God will use this message to reach those who need it. Feel free to pass this on to others and may God bless you!
P.S. This is just the humble opinion of a fourteen year old girl, trying to make sense of the world through a biblical worldview. But, I’m not always right so if you see anything in here that goes against the bible, please tell me about it. Thank you!
*You can find this sermon on biblepreaching.com